So Life Isn't Fair, So What?

"The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their
troubles." --Unknown


The above quote is truth But when I am in a mood to be miserable, I can ignore that truth and knock it as bogus positive thinking. "That's stupid," I can say to myself. "After all, if I have a flat tire and it's pouring down rain on me as I change it, what on earth is there to be happy about? Count my blessings? Please." Well, yes, because it's not about the power of positive thinking but something that sounds as silly, an attitude of gratitude. In the above situation, how much different would I truly feel right at that moment if I remembered and was grateful for the fact that I hadn't had to make the entire journey on foot in the rain, that I had a car that ran, gratitude for having a spare tire that had air in it, gratitude that my father taught me how to change a tire, gratitude for the jack, etc. I'm not talking about putting on rose colored glasses and tricking myself into believing that everything is ok or good, but rather understanding that there are blessings in my life that enable me to hope, that help me to handle even bad situations better than I once could, that keep the weight balanced and more bearable so that I am not crushed, and for this I should be grateful. If I find that gratitude, I can not help but be happy, or at least have joy, which is better, even in the midst of the hurricane that's blowing my life apart.

Yesterday, I forgot this and myself. What I mean when I write that I forgot myself is that I forgot who I am today and began acting like who I was, specifically the who I was around elementary age. I stomped my metaphorical feet and threw my little fist against the ground so angry I couldn't keep from crying, all the while screaming it's not right and it's not fair! Such a display is ugly and uncomfortable to watch when a five your old does it. It's much worse when the tantrum thrower is nearly is an adult. I felt like a baseball player who made a base running error in the fourth inning that resulted in being called out who discovered that everything thrown his way the rest of the game was now being called a strike no matter how far out of the strike zone the pitch was. That's not right. That's not fair. I already paid for the error. I was called out. Each time at the plate is supposed to be a fresh and new opportunity. But that's baseball, and not life, and while it's true that there are things that happen in every sporting event that aren't fair or how it's supposed to be according to the rules, life is even more filled with such. Life isn't fair, and much that happens in the world we live in isn't right or just.

I can't change that. I can't change one thing about what I found so wrong yesterday, not by running away and not by fighting. When it won't help to fight, and flight isn't possible, what is left besides victimization? Poor me, I become the victim once again. That's the only answer. Wrong. What is left doesn't have to be victimization. The better option is surrender, not to the situation or to the opposition but to the umpire of the game.

If I surrender and accept the situation for what it is and see the truth about what it does and doesn't say about my life and who I am, then I can see once more the blessings in my life that make the difference. I am blessed today that I am not the person this unfairness is aimed at, even if I have gotten caught up in the same net. I have friends and family who the truth of who I am and accept me, I have more love in my life than I deserve (something that also isn't fair but I don't complain when unfairness works in my favor), despite how much the situation effects my life and the hoops it causes me to jump through, it truly could be so much worse than it is, and yes, it is a blessing that things aren't worse. There is some truth to the power of perceiving life with a Pollyanna attitude.

I'm not sure where trying to see the positive became so despised and silly. It works, when the goal is not to change the situation but rather to change my attitude about the situation that I have accepted. I really can't be hateful and grateful at the same time, and if I will simply stop throwing a fight and crying fowl, I can see so many blessings in my life and so many times when I received mercy and blessing that I didn't deserve. The truth is that I don't want life to be fair. If life were fair I wouldn't be free if I were alive. I wouldn't be sitting on the front porch next to the one I love typing this into a computer I own and listening to the birds sing. I have rarely experienced fair. Most of the time I wouldn't want to, because I prefer mercy. With all the mistakes I have made in my life, mercy is my only hope. But if I am going to be so quick to accept mercy and ask for it in my own life, I must be as quick to give it to others when the unfairness doesn't go my way. I can't show mercy to others unless I can see it working in my own life. I can only see it in my own life when I look for and become grateful for the blessings I have that I never earned. With mercy and gratitude come joy and happiness, even though nothing outside me has changed one bit.

But to see the blessings, I also have to keep my yard clean. I can't be grateful for the grass if my lawn is covered in trash. So I have to do make my wrongs right. This is not a fun proposition. There is nothing fun about having to go to a 19 year-old friend and say I was wrong, and I had no right to take my hurt and anger out on you. What can I do to make it right? What can I do to help repair the damage to your heart and soul that I caused when I struck out in reaction to my wounds. I can't afford to say it's ok, life isn't fair when I have done something that brings the pain of unfairness into someone else's life. If I didn't deserve the pain I felt, then no one I care about deserves me to then dump and transfer that pain onto them. I couldn't be happy, not even counting my blessings, until I repaired the damage I had done. The ability to see where I have wronged others as I hate being wronged, the wisdom to know what to do to about it, and the courage to make things right are three of the biggest blessings in my life today. I can't see the rest if I won't take advantage of these.