The Right To Success

I have had more than one Spiritual Adviser tell me that I am afraid of success. I always denied this idea. After all, I have always wanted the things that come with success and prided myself on my accomplishments. Yet, while looking back over the patterns of my life I can see how many times I switched gears and changed directions before reaching true success. I see the many times where I have let fear stop me from even trying what I felt I should accomplish. So it does appear that I am afraid of success. But I am not. I am afraid of failure. I am so afraid of failure that I all too often don't even try. It's easier to say I don't know how to go about making this happen or that happen than it is to strive for the needed knowledge, put that knowledge into action, and then to risk failing at either learning what I need to or applying said knowledge. The result is I am trapped in a place so far below what I know my potential is that I feel like a failure. So I have allowed my fear of feeling like a bigger failure keep me from trying to escape what makes me feel like a failure to begin with. When I realize this, I feel like an even bigger failure and an idiot. And the vicious cycle continues, growing in destructiveness and power over me with each revolution.

I can't stay in this place. I am finally becoming more tired and afraid of living in this rut than I am of failing. I am no longer afraid of being denied because of feeling like God doesn't want me to be happy or to be able to enjoy my life. I know He wants me happy, joyous and free and working at something that fulfills me. So I can be assured that as long as I try, as long as I do the next right thing, as long as I seek relationship with Him above all else, He will guide me to the success I long for and remove the fear of failure that has paralyzed me since I was a child. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I don't have to do it perfectly and have everything there is potential for or nothing at all. I can have moderate success and strive for living perfect and see progress. In two years of trying to live progress not perfection, I never realized that before. I am glad that enough progress has been made that today I can see this oh so simple truth, I don't have to get 100%, I can live a good life with 70% that becomes 80% that becomes 90%. I don't have to be afraid to try.