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I recently found out that a friend of mine who happens to be a guest of the state of Texas found out how unfair the system truly could be. He already knew of course, but this the first time, or at least the first time in years, that he has been the one getting screwed over rather than one of his fellow inmates. He learned the harsh truth that standing up for your legal rights in a corrupt penal system can quite often cause retaliation that will cut your legs out from under you so that you can not stand and rip out your heart so that a piece of your soul dies. It's funny, ironic funny, damn sure not ha ha funny, that to teach men who fail to abide by the law of the land the state places them under the control of a system that often fails to follow the laws and regulations that govern it and breaks many of the same laws that cause the beds to stay filled.

My friend has given up. I pray not forever. There is a reason why so many men who make one mistake come out of prison like angry animals and newly formed career criminals. The soul wrenching dehumanization that they are subjected to leaves room for little else without the grace of God. Don't get me wrong, I believe a man should be punished and held responsible for his crimes and that the punishment should fit the crime. Criminals should not have an easier, more comfortable life than hard-working citizens who live right. But if you chain a dog and then beat him while he's chained day after day, don't be surprised if he becomes vicious.

I see men who are basically decent but got wrapped up in addiction come out of prison sociopathic criminals who don't care about the laws they break or the people they hurt whether they are sober or not. It breaks my heart. Hey, let me anger some people and say I support the death penalty. I believe in jail time, and I damn sure don't want to do away with prisons. We need many of the men that are there caged a lot longer than they will be. But Texas and other places would be better served in the long run, in my opinion, if men that could be reformed by being freed of their alcoholism and addictions were treated rather than caged with the animals that need those walls and thereby transformed into like beings. This situation and the destruction it brings to these men, and yes women as well, their families, and society as a whole angers me.

This afternoon it filled me with a rage I thought had died away. Things I thought had been forgiven suddenly felt fresh and alive again. Memories of an 18 year old boy in a county jail, picked up on drunk charges, curled up in the fetal position crying after being beaten by a man who would do 25 years for a serious crime came flooding back. A 12-Step speaker's story of being picked up for public intoxication and being raped in jail before being released the follwing day popped into my head as well. It's bad enough when the serious criminals these men and women are housed with abuse them. When the people hired to protect them and maintain order are the ones doing the abusing and violating the rights....it pisses me off. There is no nice way to describe how I feel.

Unfortunately anger is a luxury I can not afford. It poisons me as it grows into huge trees of hatred and resentment that then block out the light of the spirit to my soul. I can't live in the shade. In the dark I get drunk. I get high. I have ot stay in the light. And therefore I have to forgive.....again. It's just that sometimes I don't know how.