Peniel - the introduction

It’s eleven thirty-one pm on Saturday, Nov. 7. I am a mess. There has been a snag from hell in my little isolation with God experiment. Quite frankly, I am worse at this moment than I was when I hiked off in the woods. I had made a little progress, but now I feel I am back at step one, or regressed further than that. But I will get to that in a moment. I will be doing some serious writing in a little bit here. Me and God gonna have ourselves a little pow-wow.

But first, I am going to go ahead and transcribe from my notebooks I’ve been writing in to the computer, so I can post the spiritual retreat, such as it is, so far. I told someone I have entrusted myself to that I would do this, and I am also hoping that in the transcribing I will see that there was indeed good in the trip so far and stop wanting to die because it turned so twisted on me. Like I said, that’s a subject for later.

I am posting my thoughts, my journaling, of my retreat and isolation with God, for three reasons. First, so that a couple of people who are concerned about me can have access to periodic updates on how I’m doing. Second, so I will be held accountable to work through this as quickly and as thoroughly as I can and not skimp. Finally, I felt like maybe, just maybe, there might be one person out there who can find some sort of help or comfort in seeing another seeker's journey, raw, ugly, piecemeal. Maybe someone can see pitfalls to avoid, or something that might help themselves. I don’t know. I do know however, that my ability to maybe help someone else by exposing my heart and journey is one of the few things I have left, so I am going to try to make something good come of my mistakes and misery.

After I get the first few days already passed entered, I am not sure how often I will post, but I am guessing every day or two. Maybe a little more or less. But I won’t let putting what I’ve already written on the blog, stop me from being able to work through with pen and ink what I set out to work through.

One final note about the following entries. They were written for me. I am sharing them, but they are straight out of my journaling this trip. I am not going to take away the immediacy of writing for myself to explain certain people and events that are clear to me and may not be so easily understood by others reading this, if anyone does. I think the soul of the matter will still be clear. In this case, the journey is not in the details.