Peniel - Day 3...10:14pm

Right now I don’t feel angry about my past. Instead I feel exhausted and saddened by what appears to be a life of destruction built on the reactions of a four or five year old boy to something, I don’t even know what. Somehow a child became convinced he was bad and worthless and that false understanding provided the base from which all future choices and reactions were launched. It doesn’t seem fair or right. Ok, I guess I was wrong. I do feel angry. A little child’s reactions should not hold enough power to direct the course of a lifetime. A child has no understanding, no wisdom to build on, no way of knowing that the instinctual reaction is one of error and destruction. How could God let my choices and reactions of that time lead step by step to the pain and misery that has been my life? How dare you hold a child responsible for his actions to such an extreme? Why didn’t you do something to change it, to stop it, to redirect it. If you loved me, how could this be allowed to happen. Even the law doesn’t recognize a child’s free will or their ability to make decisions of any importance. How could you?