Matthew 5:31-32
I am no expert of marriage. My first wife divorced me long after she every moral, legal, Biblical, you name it kind of right to. I gave her every reason, most of them repeatedly. I am now married to my second wife, and the marriage is amazing and wonderful. But that is not because I am some kind of expert on marriage. It is a blessing that I don't deserve and am very grateful for. I do see how if both people love each other the way God intends couples to love each other and both have turned their will and lives over to the care of God that divorce rates would plummet.
Still, I will repeat that I am no expert on marriage. But while I do believe that Christ was speaking about marriage and divorce here, I don't believe that I am out of line saying that I see it as more than that. Some may say that it is an alcoholic or addict trait, some might say that it is the result of an instant gratification society, but we run to quickly. Obviously if it came up in Christ's sermon on the mount, it's a human thing and has been around for a while. I believe it's about selfishness, and the big book tells me that selfishness and self centeredness is the root of all my troubles.
I am forty years old, a month away from forty-one, and with the exception of photography jobs that I love, I have only once held steady employment for more than a year in one place. Now that I am a felon, I seriously regret my past selfishness in the job field. It might be easier for me to find a good job despite my record and seven and a half years of incarceration if I could show good and steady work history prior to prison. But I can't, and I can't fix that. I won't lie about it. I use to say to myself that I wasn't an alcoholic or an addict because I had never been fired from a job because of alcohol or drugs. But how many jobs did I quit without notice because I was bored or didn't get what I wanted or wanted to go get wasted instead of trudge through the day of work? Too many. How many jobs did I quit because I knew the ax was about to fall, usually because I had taken to many sick days, either to recover from living the life I led or playing hooky so the party could continue through the day? Too many.
My last job lasted much longer than any of it's type had previously. I tried to break the pattern. I stayed long past the point of quitting for selfish reasons or on impulse. I discussed the situation with my employer and told her that I could not allow the situation to happen again and stay. When it did, I had to leave. I was growing resentful and feeling like a doormat. But the truth is that while she was wrong, and there is something good about setting boundaries in recovery and sticking to them, had I been more spiritually fit, I might have been able to stay in the job I had until I found something else. It's much easier to find a job when you have one than it is to find a job while unemployed. The pay is better too.
My point is that years ago I began a pattern of short time employment, leaving with little or no notice to avoid confrontation, because the job wasn't fun, or because I didn't like how I was treated, or for other selfish, addict related reasons. I no longer brag about never being fired, because today I accept the truth that I never stayed anywhere long enough to get to that point. Had I done the job I was hired to do "as unto the Lord," had I stayed and put aside self for what was right and responsible, I wouldn't have ever had most of the worst of my past jobs, because I would have stayed employed at other jobs much longer. I ran. I quit at the first sign of dissatisfaction, discomfort or disharmony. This formed a pattern of behavior, a habit, that I brought into each new job, making it all too easy to do the same thing over again.
I did the same thing in relationships. Jumping quickly from one person to the next in hopes that quantity would make me happy, because I could not stop being selfish enough to have quality in love. You can't really love someone well if you live as a slave to self. I have tried it. It doesn't work.
In relationships, jobs, and more I wanted the fruit without the labor. I wanted to live like nothing mattered but my own instant pleasure but have people accept me and be patient with me as though I deserved more chances than I would ever dream of giving someone else. I wanted escape and pleasure constantly and anything else was unacceptable. When I failed to kill that selfishness and made those feelings and resultant behaviors habits in any situation, whether job, romance, friendship, education, whatever, I doomed it before it began.
I believe this was the principle behind these scriptures in Christ's message. Stop running so fast. Don't bolt from commitment in any area, but especially in relationships, because once you start running it's difficult to stop. I can never be satisfied and content in any area if I am looking for an excuse to try something different, if I believe that I am to have constant gratification without effort, if I am chasing the rush of the new over the fulfillment of faithfulness. What's worse is that when I treat people this way, it bleeds over to my relationship with God.
When I get in the habit of living so quick to bail when the slightest bit is disappointment or dissatisfaction occurs, I destroy my relationship with God. Not happy? Then obviously God is doing what He's supposed to in making my life wonderful. I need to look elsewhere. How about a drink? Feeling sad or depressed or anything negative and didn't feel better five minutes after praying? I guess God doesn't care. I better get high. Didn't get what I asked for? I better make it happen myself, even if it means manipulating, lying, stealing or somehow infringing on someone else. Dissatisfaction couldn't mean I need to sacrifice self. It couldn't mean I need to hit my knees and seek deeper relationship with God until the dry season is over and the rain of His Spirit once again waters my soul. That would mean work. That would take patience and a time of not having exactly what I want when I want.
But relationship is what makes life worth living. First relationship with God. That sets the foundation for everything else. And I can't be jumping from one god to the next searching for instant pleasure and spiritual highs. Then comes relationship with a partner. One man other than Christ had a perfect unhindered relationship with God, and even he needed another person in his life. God said it is not good for man to be alone, and any recovered alcoholic or addict can tell you that isolation is one of the first signs of danger and relapse. We are made to connect and commune with God and others. But relationship with God won't work and neither will relationship with one special someone or any of the other important lesser relationships (relations with children, or parents, or employers, employees, co-workers, teachers, etc.) as long as self says I deserve to have what I want the instant I want it without any form or degree of sacrifice of self or I have the right to discard what I no longer find satisfying and look elsewhere. Living like this kept my a slave for far too long. And after nearly two years of a better way of life, I can honestly say staying is much more satisfying than running in every area.
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