Fear

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. II Timothy 1:7 For so much of my life, fear ruled and controlled my every action and reaction. Many of my worst mistakes came from trying to hide this fear. See, I’m not afraid. If I was, would I do this? Most of the rest of my pain came from attempting to cover or kill the fear that haunted my every moment. Then, in a continuing downward spiral, I tried to numb or obliterate the pain that came from trying to mask my fears. Today, I don’t have to be controlled by fear. I do not have to try to hide from it, mask it or numb it. I can say, I am afraid, yet I will trust in the protection and care of my Higher Power. And when I do this, I find my fear is lessoned. I find peace in the midst of situations that once would have terrified me. Circumstances that would have sent me scurrying into escape mode or caused me to gear up to fight now just serve as an indicator that I need to wrap myself in the safety of my relationship with God. It does not remove all my fear, but it does remove my need to respond to my fear. When my relationship with God is where it needs to be at the time, fear no longer rules me, even when it is present, and then I am able to love myself and others, I can think and make wise decisions with soundness of mind, and I have the power to continue clean and sober and free from the obsession of drink and drug. On my own I am a fearful man who is powerless. But the gift of God in my life today, as a result of working the steps and finding relationship, is indeed power, love and a sound mind.