One Day At A Time

I have a feeling that I might upset a few people with what I have to say today, so I somewhat apologize beforehand. I say somewhat because I believe what I am about to write is the truth, and I have no apologies for speaking and writing truth nor for having the courage to say that which I believe. I apologize to anyone who may read this and feel like it is an attack on their beliefs and therefore them. What makes me project that possibility is it is indeed a statement against the belief, but in no way am I attacking anyone who believes it or who has said it around me. So, if you feel that this is a personal attack, call your spiritual adviser.

What on earth am I going on about? Quite simply the common recovery phrase One Day At A Time. This is a very true and legitimate concept that most assuredly has its place in recovery. But I cringe today when I hear those words come out of the mouth of someone who has worked the steps. Why? Simply put, I feel that the way the phrase is most often used today is bogus. And I also feel that the way it is used can do serious damage to others.

When I first walked into the rooms of recovery and began working the program I found there, I did indeed have to live as this phrase has been used around me, in the very way that bothers me today. In order to do this thing called recovery, I had to live and simply not drink or use one day at a time. In the interest of rigorous honesty, I couldn't even do that. My numerous restarts at the beginning (also known as relapses) testify to this. In fact, I state emphatically that if I could stay clean and sober one day at a time without working the steps, I would have no need for the program of recovery anyway. But I did it a short while, one day at a time, one hour, Sometimes even minute to minute. This gave me enough time clean on will power alone to work the steps and find some relief, for the promises to start coming true and the obsession to be lifted from me.

For months after the obsession was lifted, I no longer had to stay sober one day at a time, at least not in the sense of "I just have to make it without drinking and using today. I just have to do this one day at a time." The obsession had been removed. I no longer woke thinking about my addictions. I didn't go to sleep with the beast on my mind. I didn't have to avoid triggers or places or people or situations. I had found freedom and had been given power to go anywhere and do anything I needed to do without fear that I might be tempted to use or drink at any moment.

A little over a year later my program began to falter. I ignored the signs and pressed on. The obsession returned. I reacted to this with shame and fear that kept me from sharing what I needed to with another, from talking to my spiritual adviser. I reacted with determination, as though my will was ever strong enough to help me do the right thing for very long. And I failed. The truth is that when the obsession returned I began staying sober and clean one day at a time again. Day after day I just made it through that day. Yes, this way of living and thinking got me a couple more months clean time before the mighty fall, and would have been a saving factor had I heeded the many warnings in my life and started working my program correctly again. But I didn't. I kept plugging away one day at a time. I relapsed long before I ever put a drink or a chemical in my body.

I hope that those reading this are now thinking something along the lines of that's not what one day at a time means. I hope this because those who feel like I used the phrase wrongly are absolutely right! But that is the way I saw it and heard it used over and over again in the rooms of recovery. I'm just staying sober one day at a time. Balderdash. That isn't recovery. That is survival. Of course we can only do anything one day at a time. I only stayed drunk one day at a time. As Einstein said, we all reach the future at a rate of 60 minutes per hour. It's perspective and attitude I speak of here.

This phrase has been taken too much out of context in recovery. The first sentence of the Big Book follows: "WE, OF [the program], are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body." The key words above are "have recovered." The words are not are struggling with, are fighting to stay sober, or who are staying sober one day at a time. They, the originators, recovered, and so have countless others who have followed in their footsteps. They did not claim to have found a way to live with their sickness without ill effects one day at a time. Like a cancer patient in remission they claimed to have beaten the disease and to be free of it. That didn't mean that it might not return one day, as cancer all too often does, but in the meantime, they are not hopelessly sick. It is possible to recover. I repeat. It is possible to recover, to be well. This is our great fact as it states on the last page of the book I quoted earlier.

One day at a time is a slogan that simply reminds us to live in today, in the now. We only exist in the joys and problems of the moment. We don't forget the past, don't shut the door on it, but we can't live in it either. We are only given one day, this day. We can not stay sober and clean and live a live of serenity, joy and hope while being consumed by worries about tomorrow. I have heard it said that someone lived through countless times of devastation and horror, most of which never occurred. Projection into the future is counteractive to serenity and a pointless waste of energy and time. I can only live a life worth living in the present. This and this alone is what was originally intended by the phrase one day at a time. It is, in my opinion the only way I can use it while being recovered. I am not fighting cancer if it is in remission. I am not battling the obsession to drink and use one day at a time if I have recovered. Thoughts of sickness may return to the cancer patient in remission. And thoughts of using may occur to the addict who has recovered. But if the obsession is gone, so is the cancer of the soul that kills us. If the obsession returns and we have not used, then we are in recovery, like the cancer patient who beat cancer only to have it return later, and fighting toward being recovered once again by working the steps or heading for relapse and destruction by not doing so. I do not have any desire to be in recovery any longer. I wish to join the ranks of the recovered mentioned in the book that outlines the precise way to reach that state. I can do this by following the suggestions of those who have done it, by doing what they did, by working the steps, not by staying clean one day at a time. This is my opinion, my experience, my strength, and without a doubt, my hope.