Much More Than Simply A Doxology

This morning I am wrapping up my series of entries on the Sermon on the Mount and the Lord's Prayer. As I have studied this prayer more in depth it has occurred to me that it should be called My Prayer or Our Prayer rather than the Lord's Prayer. This is the Lord's example, His blue print on how to pray much more than it is His prayer. At least one part, "forgive us our debts" was never prayed personally by Him, since He had no sin, He had no debts or trespasses that needed forgiveness until He took my sin and everyone else's upon Himself.

For years I believed in God and lived as though I did not. My first sponsor informed me that this is the practical definition of the term agnostic. I believed there was a God, professed belief in that God, and yet I only surrendered my will, gave up my right to rule the kingdom of my own life, when overcome by emotion and emptiness, when guilt and shame was about to drown me, when I was in trouble or need, or during rare times of honesty when I could admit to myself that I didn't like myself or my life and that my way wasn't working. But these periods never lasted long. I always took control of my will and life back, I always dove back into selfishness and self-centeredness, I always demanded the right to do things my own way and rule my own kingdom. And the result was always destruction.

I never found a relationship with God in a real and personal way that could be maintained, I could never stay clean and sober and walk in recovery while running my own little kingdom. But once I somewhat understood the concept of grace, closely tied with the rooms saying of "progress not perfection," that changed. Before then I would have a moment of revelation that I needed God and could come to God. I would throw myself upon His mercy and declare that I gave all of me, my will and my life, to Him to do as He pleased. But then before long I would mess up. I would do something that I knew was not right, was not God's will. Feeling that failure proved that I hadn't really really surrendered to Christ, I would beat myself up. Realizing that I could not walk with God and live as He would have me live, I would quit trying to, and in an attempt to distract myself from how miserable I felt, I dove head first and full-steam into self-will run riot. I couldn't be good, and if I was doomed to be bad, then I might as well be good at that. The drugs and alcohol helped me, for a while, escape the fear, pain, misery and emptiness of my life.

Trusting and understanding the concept of progress not perfection in a way I couldn't yet understand grace I surrendered once more. When I fell short I no longer felt like I had totally banished God from my kingdom. Instead I realized that I was still a subject in His kingdom, just not a perfect or totally obedient one. At every obstacle and failure I could finally see that there were less of these and those that came were less frequent than before. Progress was being made. More accurately, God made progress in my life. I found recovery, and that recovery become more solid as God's Kingship over my life became more and more established. What little success I have had in recovery is the direct result of God setting up His kingdom in my life and the areas where His will is done more often than my own.

So this last section of the prayer, "For Thine is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever," is personal to me. For me, it's the essence of recovery and survival and not just some nifty way to close the prayer. But what else does it mean?

I know this is going to be long, but I can only get to the destination by the way that I know. In order to really understand that last phrase, I need to go back to another phrase in the prayer, "Thy kingdom come..." We ask for God's kingdom to come, and what I have to remember is that that may not always line up with what I expect or imagine. God's ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. In the rooms I often hear that one of most important lessons those of us in recovery learn is often that there is a God and I am not Him. In essence, this is what Moses heard when God spoke to him on Mt. Sinai. When God said, "I Am who I Am," He was basically telling Moses, "I am God and you are not." It is God's kingdom, not ours.

And what about the word come? Are we really only praying for the rapture and the one time establishment of the Kingdom of Christ on earth? No, the word come doesn't mean a once and for all coming.  It means a revealing or appearing, a process. The kingdom of God is active, present and growing, not static in a holding pattern waiting to be built. Like the love of God, the kingdom of God is ongoing and eternal.

Which brings me to the word I skipped, "kingdom." Jesus spoke of the kingdom of God repeatedly. It was one of the dominant themes of His ministry and teaching. But He never defined it. Instead He described it. He told what the kingdom of God was not to make it clear that it was not what we thought. It is not geography or territory or a form of earthly government. The Kingdom of God is seeing things the way God sees them. According to Jesus, God sees value in broken people and significance in places and events that we often overlook. The Kingdom of God is a reality where love is the only law and rules or controls every thought, action and reaction to the people in and around it. "Let Thy kingdom come" could also be prayed as "let love rule."

As I pray "Thy kingdom come," I am in effect summarizing and praying the third step prayer. I am saying, "Your rule, Your management of my life and the world, not mine." The kingdom of God is in our hearts when we recognize that God knows us (better than we know ourselves) and finds us precious, priceless, and when in response to that love we surrender ourselves to His leadership, direction and care.

Sometimes His kingdom is easier to see in my life than at other times. It's not so hard to imagine God's Kingdom is ruling my life when the sun is shining, the obsession to drink and drug is gone and life feels good. But what about during the dark times when fear assaults the walls of my mind and heart. Is the kingdom of God still standing during those times? Over the last few weeks I have found myself in a motorcycle wreck, facing the very real possibility that I have lymphoma, and having to deal with the loss of a good friend and an aunt. I can say from experience that God's kingdom, presence and direction does come in the darkness, despair and fear.

I can't explain it, but I can describe what I saw yesterday as we celebrated the life of my Aunt Earlene. I saw in my father and in other relatives, especially my cousin Deborah, the power of love and the presence and peace of God. Joy in the midst of mourning. Peace in the storm of sadness. Love in the face of loss. Faith in control where fear once reigned. This is what the kingdom of God is like. This is the evidence of its presence. So now I have a better understanding, or at least a better description, of what the kingdom of God is than I had before. I will return to the phrase that is supposed to be the topic of this writing, "For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever."

I have noticed that often I focus on things that stand out and demand my attention but miss important things that are small, simple, and subtle. Two words in this closing doxology are like that. The first of those words is the word "for." "For" sets the intent of the heart. It is the word that puts in practice or sets into action the faith I am professing throughout the rest of the prayer. It is the word that declares the truth of who we are and who God is. It is the acknowledgement of what I wrote in the first of this entry that there is a God, and I am not Him. We are able to pray the other words of the Lord's Prayer precisely because of the word "for." That little word is a reminder and a declaration that it is God's kingdom (He is in control, not me), God's power (I am powerless but He is greater and has all power), God's glory (I can't take the praise or glory for my success and goodness and sobriety - as I pray in the third step prayer, "God, take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life.) that make faith real and prayer possible.

The second word is "now." The word "now" can be dangerous for me and addicts alcoholics like me. It is an important part of the root of our problem, selfishness. I want what I want, and I want it when? Now. Today it seems like pretty much everyone wants instantaneous everything and in that sense our entire culture seems to be focused on the now, but when it comes to the fulfillment of God's promises, we learn to focus on "later," on "forever," on "eternity," on "beyond what we know and see now." I also saw this yesterday as we celebrated the life of my aunt and took comfort in the assurance that she is present with the Lord in a state that we will only truly and completely understand "someday."

But the prayer ends, "For the kingdom and the power and the glory are Yours, now and forever." God's kingdom is now. God's power is now. God's glory is now. This is why I needed to remind myself and reexamine what the Kingdom of God is. If I simply think it's somewhere up in heaven and that I will see and experience it some glad morning when this life is over then I find myself living as if it is outside of my daily existence. Waiting until I die to experience God's kingdom,  God's power and experiencing God's and giving God glory leaves me with little enjoyment of, eagerness or enthusiasm for, or power and faith for and in the present life.

The kingdom of God is diminished in effect if I do not see and believe that the kingdom is here, all around and in me. The power of God is weakened in my life if I do not understand, accept and trust that His power is as real and near as my heartbeat. And the glory of God is diminished if I don't see and believe His glory is here and direct my own glory and praise to Him. Participation in God's kingdom, power and glory is not a future reward based on good or bad performance on earth. It is a gift of grace and the belief put to action that whenever and however God is present in our life we experience the kingdom, power and the glory. The experience of God in this way takes me into deeper relationship with him. This relationship, made possible by grace through the sacrifice of Christ, is strength and joy and peace that make life worth living, makes recovery possible and gives me a hope for tomorrow and "some glad morning."