Reflections

I thank God for an earthly father who lives an example of Christ-like love and gave me an understanding of the concept of mercy, love and forgiveness rather than hatred, rejection, fire and brimstone. Because of this I can believe in forgiveness from God, because I have seen it in my earthly father I can believe it from a Heavenly Father. I can accept the philosophy of progress not perfection and release myself from the bondage of legalism and expectations I set too high for myself.

The above paragraph comes from the end of a blog entry I wrote a year and a day ago. I had started the day messed up and ended the day sober. The next day, May 17, 2010 I started my first new day free from alcohol and drugs. I have not had to change or enhance the way I feel with drink or drug in one year today, and that is truly a miracle. I refuse to beat myself up over my relapse today. Instead I am going to take this reminder from a year ago, accept the forgiveness of my Creator, forgive myself (again) and thank the Lord for the miracle of the past year.

So much has changed for the better in the past year. I regained my sobriety with a better understanding of and foundation in my program of recovery. I have been blessed with the amazing love and relationship that enriches my life today more than I ever imagined possible. If anyone had asked me a year ago today if I'd be sitting in my home happily married today I would have said no way. First I never believed I would have that blessing in my life again, and a year ago I was such a mess that I never believed recovery and stability could come as quickly as it did. But I have been blessed of God, and really, how long does it take to be raised from the dead? Only as long as it takes me to be willing to let God do whatever He wants and need to do to breathe the life back into my soul.

My name is Dalyn, and I have recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body. I am free today of the obsession to use alcohol and drugs, but more importantly I am being set free, slowly but surely, from the obsession of self. Self is the barrier that creates distance between God and me, and every bit of freedom I have today is in direct proportion to how much of my will I turn over to God. Jesus said essentially that if I want relationship with God, I must die to self, set self aside, and follow His example of servitude, sacrifice and love. My program of recovery tells me that selfishness and self-centeredness are the root of all my problems and the ability to get out of self through conscious contact with God, service to others and cleaning up my side of the street is the way I find recovery of mind, body and spirit.

My selfishness tells me that to do those things means giving up my life, and it's right. But my experience shows me that when I lose my life I find a new and better life full of freedom, joy and peace. A little over a year ago I was almost ready to die and doing a good job of trying to make that happen. Today I have a better life than I ever imagined I could have. I am not special. I am not unique. God could and God has and God will do for anyone what He did for me. The solution is simple, although not always easy...surrender self to the One who has the power to give life and life more abundantly and let the love of Him who is love fill every hole and empty place. After that, fear flees and healing is birthed.

You changed my sorrow into dancing. You took away my clothes of sadness and clothed me in happiness. Psalm 30:11 ncv