Thank You

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. I will enter His gates with Thanksgiving in my heart.

The above reminds me to be grateful and how important gratitude is to my life in general and my relationship with God in particular. The Big Book tells me that Step three, to turn my will and life over to God as I understand Him, is the keystone to the arch of freedom that the road to recovery passes through. Everything hinges on this. Without it, the rest of the program rings hollow and lack of power remains my dilemma. Experience has shown me that without maintaining my relationship with God, I can not stay clean and sober, and I resubmit my life to the bondage of self.

But how can I trust God enough to turn my life and will over to Him if I can not or will not acknowledge and be grateful for all the blessings that are already in my life. If I can't see the good things in my life, how can I appreciate what God has done for me? I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart tells me that gratitude is the security badge for getting into the gates of the Creator. I don't have to bow a certain way or a certain number of times. I don't have to scrape or humiliate myself. I don't have to perform some mighty dead or be perfect. All I have to do is be thankful for what my Father has done for me.

I didn't sleep last night, but surprisingly I feel more rested than I have in some time now. I lay in bed last night at peace enjoying the presence of my wife beside me. As I watched the clock work its way toward the moment it would sound the alarm I felt so blessed. Usually, I would have been cursing my lack of sleep. I would have become frustrated and angry. Last night I didn't. I reflected on all the amazing and wonderful miracles and blessings I have received over my lifetime and especially in the last year. I listened to Leah's breathing and thanked God for what little rest she was receiving and prayed for more for her because I knew that she was not sleeping well either. I simply soaked in a spirit of gratitude. It was a restful experience even without the sleep, and I am thankful for it. I don't believe I have ever quite experienced that before.

Last night I shared my story at a meeting. Our past is our greatest asset if used to help others, and I am so grateful for the opportunity. I am sick, and barely could function. Several friends and family members were praying for me. I prayed in the bathroom moments before time to talk. I had one break from the painful coughing, stuffy congestion and misery. It was when I got up to walk to the podium until I set back down. I got a little tickle in my throat a couple of times and had to take a drink of water, but that was it. For about 45 minutes it was almost as if I wasn't even sick. It still amazes me to see God do for me what I can not do for myself. I still need that affirmation that God can give me the power to do what He wants me to do, when I can in no way muster the strength on my own. All it takes is surrender and agreement that if He wants me to do it, I can, regardless of what the outward circumstances tell me. Praise be to God for the miracles in my life and for another day of recovery and relationship.