Taking The Time

Some might say that I have wasted this day. I would call it quite productive, although not in material ways. What seems to have become a "Spiritual Day" started as a long break. A new film on the Netflix watch it now catalog caught my eye. I thought I'd watch the first 10 minutes or so of it to see if it was worth exploring with my wife.

This is not a film review, so I will not discuss predictability versus beautiful camera work. The film, One Week, caught me from the start. I could not stop and wait. I sent my helper off, mainly because I knew he wouldn't shut up about Joshua Jackson the whole movie if I let him stay, and closed shop for about an hour and a half.

The movie is a bucket list type thing with the main character taking a motorcycle cross-country trip after learning he has terminal cancer. Filled with all the expected philosophy and spirituality you'd expect, the film tells this story well. It did so well, in fact, that as the credits rolled I thought on the message of the film and put myself mentally in the place where the question could be asked of me, if you knew you only had one week to live, what would you do? Perhaps the more important question might be what would you change about yourself, about your life?

There was a time might answer would be filled with places to see and things to do, and, yes, riding the world's largest wooden and the largest metal roller coasters have both been on and checked off such a list. There was also a time when the answer would have been get as high and drunk as I could get for whatever time remained. Today, when I imagined the idea of myself in that situation of a week to live, I received a blessing.

I saw myself in several different situations, laughing and mourning. First, this is significant, because I never really imagined myself mourning my own death before. The idea of my death has more often than not brought with it the idea of a feeling of relief, not mourning. Today, I am thankful that I have a life worth mourning.

In every scenario I saw, I was sober. I don't care if these are silly post-philosophical movie daydreams, they are the daydreams of an addict. For me to not once have thought about taking some of the remaining time to get good and wasted did not appear. That is a miracle, even just in not fantasizing about using.

The funny thing is that if you asked me yesterday how content I am, I'd have said very. But that is both true and false. In the areas that I am content, I have never been more so. I have so many blessings and my life has enough content that the vast majority of my imaginary scenarios are things I do regularly. Most included time with my Creator and time with my wife. That I have either of these two relationships today is a miracle that could only be made possible by the first of those two. I am truly thankful.

I'm not trying to get sappy or have a Hallmark moment. I just had a reminder of how in the relative short time of a couple of years I have gone from a life no one would want and few would call worth living to a life worth not only living, but of mourning. Today I would have no need to run anywhere to find what was missing in my life upon hearing news of my nearing end. The simple reason for this is that I am not missing anything, nothing of import. Sure, finances suck. But as noble as it might be to feel like making a mad dash to raise money to pay your bills before you die, I'm just not that noble. No, the things worth looking for at that moment, I have every day,

No man is promised tomorrow, but today I don't have to live the first day of the rest of my life in or searching for oblivion, and I don't ever have to be subjected the daydreaming fantasies of it. It always feels great to feel and see reminders that the promises do come true. I may never feel more content and at peace than I do when I get a deep revelation about how much contentment and peace truly is in my life. I appreciate these swellings of thankfulness for the blessings in my life to remind me to never for a moment taking them for granted, because if I take the things worth living for for granted they may fade and I never want to lose them.

Today I will spend some extra time with my Creator, give the help a break, and then spend some time with my wife (I can't wait to watch and explore this film with her, but I really am looking forward to Wasteland tonight too....ah such conflict...too many movies, too little time.), and what I am most thankful for right now is that if I knew this was my last week, then my current plans for the day would still be on my need and want to do list. It is good to have days where you can feel that way. It is good to have a day where God can just minister to your soul. May prayer us that everyone who reads this have such experiences in their life.