Pursue God Before Trouble Starts

I have been thinking that I need to update my blog, but then I feel like I don't have anything to say or I get distracted. I have slipped into "I'll do it later" mode, which is not good for me. Things get away from me when I do that. A couple of I'll update my blog laters and it's been over two months. How did that happen? Procrastination.

Procrastination is not good for me. It makes life so much harder, but most importantly it makes it easy for me to get lazy and let things slide. Oh I don't need to pray right now, I can do that later. Right now I want to.........When I begin putting off the things I know I need to do because I don't really want to do them at that moment or because there is something else I'd rather do, then I have taken my will and life back from God. I am failing at step three. It means that in little ways I have begun running the show and calling the shots again. And that is a quick way for me to start messing up.

I can't allow things in my life to slide until I begin to struggle in areas that I have already been given victory over. It's so important for me to pursue God with a passion that rivals the desperation of a drowning man. I have lost my sense of urgency, and that bothers me. I am not sure exactly how that happened, but I thank God, that I began to see and sense this loss of urgency before I got off the road and started trying to make my own path through the wilderness of life.

Seek first the kingdom of God and the other things will be added to you, but I can't get so comfortable with the other things that I stop seeking. What's great is seeing this, I am not down on myself or beating myself up. I am simply seeing the need to cry out Lord, make me desperate for You. Also I am grateful that I see the direction things have been sliding before a real problem exists. In times past, putting off my relationship with God in the slightest way would have me full blown out of control running on self-will and drunk or high in little to no time at all. Now I am feeling the need to draw closer to Him, before I ever think of a drink, and long before I turn away.

Because I haven't turned away. I have continued to pray daily. I spent the weekend with my wife's family (including her father, who I hadn't spoken to since he made it clear that he'd rather I not have a relationship with his daughter over a year ago) and leaned on God heavily to prepare my heart for the time, and to guard my attitude while there. The trip went well, and I am grateful for it. I have continued to try to do the next right thing, to practice patience, love and tolerance. No, I have not completely neglected anything. What I am talking about is a simple change in desperation. In a few little areas I have put things off, I have begun to go through the motions. I don't want that for my life. I want to live, not merely exist. I can't have that life worth living while coasting. I have to run, to pursue, to strive toward relationship and service. God, I thank You for helping me to see where I am weaving my way across thin ice before it even begins to crack. Make me desperate for you before the crisis, so that the crisis can be avoided and I don't turn you into a 911 God again.