Like many alcoholics and addicts I possess a magic magnifying mind paired with a keen sense of projection. I see a situation and am immediately able to foresee almost every possible bad conclusion and many of the impossible. Then, my magic magnifying mind can enlarge the problem and cause me to believe that against all odds the worst possible outcome is sure to come true. This produces fear that can drive me to use, but even if it doesn’t, this fear can paralyze me.
In March I renewed my driver’s license. I put it off for two weeks and drove with an expired license because I feared I would be unable to pass the eye exam. My eyes are ok, but for some reason I have problem seeing the screen on the machine they use now. Hey people what was wrong with the old eye charts? Stand a certain distance away and go for it. No electricity for the lights, no maintenance, and they have to be cheaper. I guess that just wasn’t modern enough. But I went, stuck my head against the machine, read the letters and numbers and walked away license renewed.
My license however, still is yet to arrive. For some reason though I feared going to see what the problem was. What if I had warrants? Have I broken the law? No, but that doesn’t matter I could still have warrants said my magic magnifying mind. What if it will be here tomorrow and I look like an impatient jerk? What if what if what if. Ridiculous isn’t it?
I knew that. Told myself I acted foolishly and just needed to get it done. I resolved to go by, and yet even after I set myself to complete the mission of correcting my license problem it took me two days to go by. I finally swallowed my fear and went. They had messed up. A new picture, a few fingerprints, one signature and about five minutes later I walked out of the DPS office with permit in hand and an assurance that my license would arrive in 4 to 6 weeks. I took a picture of my truck in front of the office for my image of the day to go in Project365 because while I didn’t do it quickly I finally did the next right thing in that situation. And I found success. It was the most important thing I did all day besides not drink and not drug.
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