Image 13 ~ A Perfect Moment (5-30-10)

Today I found myself lost in a moment of near-perfect tranquility. Peace and contentment flooded my soul. For a brief moment I forgot yesterday and did not think at all of tomorrow or even the next minute. I existed totally and completely in the now. As one of my favorite songs says, “It’s moments like these that make me wish I could freeze frame time.” During this all too brief miracle I saw a squirrel laying on top of a fence looking at me. I wondered if he could sense what I was feeling and found it curious. I watched him watch me a minute or two then picked up my camera and snapped a few frames. I may not be able to freeze frame time, but by capturing the image of that squirrel I can always look back and remember a perfect moment in a miraculous now.

Image 12 ~ Butterfly (5-29-10)

Once I saw myself as a worm. I learned to see myself as a caterpiller. And over the past 17 months or so I have been going through a Transformation. A beautiful adult butterfly fully able to fly and inspire I am not quite, but I look today and see that I have become a young butterfly. A total change has occured. I am not what I once was. And no matter how many people may look at me and see the past and the mess and the insanity and the wreckage I know my God sees the butterfly He created, the man I am now...and the man I will become.

Image 11 ~ Magic Magnifying Mind (5-28-10)

Like many alcoholics and addicts I possess a magic magnifying mind paired with a keen sense of projection. I see a situation and am immediately able to foresee almost every possible bad conclusion and many of the impossible. Then, my magic magnifying mind can enlarge the problem and cause me to believe that against all odds the worst possible outcome is sure to come true. This produces fear that can drive me to use, but even if it doesn’t, this fear can paralyze me.

In March I renewed my driver’s license. I put it off for two weeks and drove with an expired license because I feared I would be unable to pass the eye exam. My eyes are ok, but for some reason I have problem seeing the screen on the machine they use now. Hey people what was wrong with the old eye charts? Stand a certain distance away and go for it. No electricity for the lights, no maintenance, and they have to be cheaper. I guess that just wasn’t modern enough. But I went, stuck my head against the machine, read the letters and numbers and walked away license renewed.

My license however, still is yet to arrive. For some reason though I feared going to see what the problem was. What if I had warrants? Have I broken the law? No, but that doesn’t matter I could still have warrants said my magic magnifying mind. What if it will be here tomorrow and I look like an impatient jerk? What if what if what if. Ridiculous isn’t it?

I knew that. Told myself I acted foolishly and just needed to get it done. I resolved to go by, and yet even after I set myself to complete the mission of correcting my license problem it took me two days to go by. I finally swallowed my fear and went. They had messed up. A new picture, a few fingerprints, one signature and about five minutes later I walked out of the DPS office with permit in hand and an assurance that my license would arrive in 4 to 6 weeks. I took a picture of my truck in front of the office for my image of the day to go in Project365 because while I didn’t do it quickly I finally did the next right thing in that situation. And I found success. It was the most important thing I did all day besides not drink and not drug.

Image 10 ~ Therapy

I know I already posted an image for today, but I may not be able to shoot tomorrow and this moment was too powerful and special not to capture. I had already chosen and posted the pic for today when this opportunity arose. I call it Therapy..sometimes you just have to beat something. I think Stephanie lost in the music here after the loss of loved family member is beautiful and powerful.

Tragedy comes into every life, the good and the evil, rich and poor, no matter race, creed, religious beliefs or lack of, sexual orientation...none of it matters. Death and grief are the great equalizer. But there are ways to deal with pain and loss without drinking and drugging ones self into the grave with those we follow. Physical release, prayer, and the love and support of family and friends can do so much. I am grateful for being able to be a part of helping my friend get through the first day of such a tragic loss in her life, as she has been there for me.

Image 9 ~ A Hard Part of the Circle of Life

Image 8 ~ A New Perspective

Image 7 ~ My "brother" Clint

One of the most important and satisfying things I did for myself on the day I took this was to spend some quality time with my brother. Number 2 on my gratitude list for the day.